Come out when it's right for you

Those of us who have come out enjoy a variety of benefits.  For most of us, it's less stressful than trying to hide.  We don't have to play the pronoun game, describing our partners or husbands as "they" instead of "he."  I know some people who even made up significant others or made up female names for their male partners.  Coming out means not having to worry about your grandma setting you up with another one of her friends granddaughters.

I came out when I was in my 30s, after having gotten married early on.  I knew I was into guys when I was a teenager, but for a number of reasons, I chose to stay in the closet, get married, and try to "fix" my gayness.  Now that I'm in my 40s, and that time in my life is long over, it's easy for me to say that everybody should come out.

But for young people, coming out might be dangerous. When you're still dependent on your parents for a place to live, and you don't know how they'll react, it may be better for you to stay in the closet until you don't rely on them anymore.  You might be in a community where you could be in physical danger after coming out.  You could be on a religious scholarship, and coming out could impact your ability to finish school.

This is why today's advice says "come out when it's right for you."  It's not "come out at every cost," or just "come out."  Coming out is a deeply personal decision with more than a few consequences.  I think you'll be a happier person if you come out, but you need to make sure the time is right for you and your safety.